How My SP Went From Distant to Madly in Love

I’ve spoken many times on my blog before about how the concept we have of ourselves (in the manifesting community, “self concept”) greatly effects our physical reality. It can not only manifest outcomes on its own, but our concept of self can also influence how “easy” or “difficult” manifesting more specific desires can be.

A favorable concept of self in a specific area can supercharge an intention and make it feel effortless, while an unfavorable concept of self can have us ruminating on how far away our desires seem.

I recently remembered a perfect example of this from some time ago, when my concept of self drastically altered the behavior of an SP towards me.

This specific person was someone I was already in a relationship with. We had been dating for several months at this point, and by then I was totally in love with him.

He always seemed a little distant, though, like he was set on keeping me at a certain distance. We sometimes didn’t see each other for a few weeks when things were busy, and even contact was sometimes spotty.

I respected that in the 3D and didn’t pressure him, but I very much wanted to be closer to him and have more commitment and affection between us.

The Importance of Self Concept While Manifesting an SP

Around the same time, I was starting to get clear about my concept of self and how it was affecting me in different areas of my life.

I realized that my self-worth on how desirable I was as a partner was reaching critical lows.

Really, it wasn’t in good shape. I was insecure and worrying a lot about if my relationship with my SP would last. I always felt like I wasn’t attractive enough, or independent enough, or have enough going on in my own life to merit someone admiring me; forget the idea of loving me.

I wanted my SP’s love. But the problem was that I wanted it desperately. And although I didn’t let on in the 3D how much I wanted him to return my feelings, I had a deep sense of lack and insecurity. What’s worse, I actually bottled up the things I wanted to say to him (like, duh, “I love you”) because of my fear that he would reject me and end our relationship.

I tried manifesting him saying “I love you,” first, because I was scared to say it first. The thing is, that didn’t work because of the core flaw: it didn’t address the way I really saw our relationship in my head. Manifesting my SP being a romantic, sensual, devoted partner was so difficult because I was stuck not valuing myself.

When it finally clicked, I finally got brave. It wasn’t even really about the SP, because if I continued with the thought patterns I had, I would certainly lose not only him, but be doomed to a miserable love life in general. I needed to face my fears and clean up my act.

The Purge

It was then that I started identifying and kicking all the thought patterns and habits that contributed to my poor self-concept in love.

Sad songs about unrequited love got deleted, even if they were catchy and fun, because I was identifying with them on an emotional level. They needed to be removed until I didn’t see myself in them anymore.

I started listening to guided meditations on self concept with love and relationships. Setting aside some time every day to listen and connect with the messages in them.

I started my own affirmations about my worth and my love life, tailored specifically to my insecurities. None of my affirmations had to do with my SP. I let that be alone and continued to enjoy my time with him.

My affirmations were not about him or our relationship specifically. They were about who I was, and how someone like that gets treated, naturally.

If something made me feel bad or insecure, it got cast out until I was at a place where it had no power over me. This was a process, and I had to acknowledge that there were some things I wasn’t ready for. Yet.

I started seeing changes in my 3D pretty quickly, even if they were not initially from my SP.

I started getting stopped by admirers while taking my walk during the day, and more people trying to flirt with me in general. One old SP even reached out to talk to me, as well, during this time, which didn’t happen to me a lot in the past.

The changes started coming in, and while they didn’t satisfy my desire with my SP, I delighted in them because they were signs that my efforts were working. I was setting myself up for a lifetime of positive experiences in my love life, and my efforts were being reflected back to me in the 3D.

I was becoming the version of myself that had what I wanted.

Manifesting “I Love You.”

The biggest thing I had to confront was my trying in vain to manifest a love confession from my SP. I want to be clear when I talk about this that you can absolutely manifest a love confession; I’m not trying to push the idea that such a thing isn’t possible, it certainly is.

The issue with me trying to manifest that “I love you,” in hindsight was the intention behind it: it came from lack. I was bottling up how much I just wanted to say it to him because I felt he needed to say it first to prove that I was important, which made a sickly pool of emotion in me. I wasn’t allowing myself to express even my positive feelings. And, really, I was manifesting the love confession from him in the first place because I felt that I needed it in order to feel loved.

I realized that it was a part of the vicious cycle.

So, I faced my fear.

After realizing this, the next time we went on a date, I told him that I loved him. And, well…he didn’t say it back. He explained that while he did have the feelings, he was very hung-up on the actual word due to fear and trauma from past relationships. Did it hurt? Absolutely.

But the sense of relief was greater than the slight sting of disappointment.

And, my concept of self was secure enough at this point that I didn’t worry too much about it, because I knew it was coming eventually.

I let go of the idea of him having to say it first as a way to prove his love for me or my worth. It didn’t matter; I was worthy either way.

And most importantly I felt unbound, finally free to express my love for him in words. Emotions un-suppressed.

The Big Shift

I continued to practice my self-concept over the next few weeks, and then something changed. It happened literally in one day.

My SP went out with an old friend and had a little too much to drink. He and that friend talked for a long time about a lot of different things, including relationships and trauma. I wasn’t there to see it happen, but I know that he was different the next time I saw him.

He told me that I meant the world to him, that I was very important. He looked at me a little different. He told me that he wanted to focus on his relationship with me, and make it more of a priority in his life.

And that day, he looked at me and told me “I love you.”

Because I’d released my need for it, it wasn’t something I’d been thinking about or anticipating, so it hit me in this very surreal way. After dating for months and him explaining his fear around love, the weight of it felt even more significant.

Fast forward to today, my SP and I are still together.

Since that day, he has become more and more loving and romantic. He kisses me and looks into my eyes and holds my face in his hands and tells me “I love you,” all the time. Now, it feels so silly that I was ever waiting for him to say it.

Our relationship has grown as well. We see each other more often and more regularly, involve each other in our lives. At some point between that day and now, he’s told me that he thinks about marrying me, and wanting kids in the future. It’s clear that he sees me in an entirely new light.

The point of this story is to show that our experiences are a reflection of who we are inside, not necessarily about the exact manifestations we want.

I largely stopped trying to manifest specific things about my SP during this time, and yet he changed significantly over a couple months of practicing a good self-concept. His behavior, in the grand scheme of things, had nothing to do with him and everything to do with how I saw myself: who I was.

When I chose to be secure and feel loved and important regardless of what he showed me, he shifted to reflect the version of me I was becoming. Each step of the way, he showed me who I am.